Yesterday I was blindsided by fear.
I stumbled upon a tweet. It was a screenshot of a list of sites. Someone thanked Ed Latimore for placing their site on Ed’s “Rising Stars” list (Ed’s recommended sites list). I like Ed. I looked at the list and what do ya know? All99life.com was number 6 on the list.
Incredible to be a part of this list. Thanks @EdLatimore https://t.co/dED2ELEoQ9 pic.twitter.com/7NwIw5LUTO
— This Dad Does (@ThisDadDoes) June 10, 2016
I was excited for maybe two seconds. Then… fear?!
Expectations – The Root of The Fear of Success
I felt panic. I couldn’t understand where it was coming from or why I was feeling it. It just struck me. It was just an overwhelming “Oh no.” I could not put my finger on it.
Growing up, I knew a guy who had just an insane amount of potential. And he was genuinely interested in all kinds of topics, especially music. He could talk about music and pick apart CD’s for hours. I wished so badly he would write. I told him to. But he simply would not start. It drove me insane. He was so smart. I saw him do this in other areas of his life too.
This guy could have done well in school but he brought home miserable grades. I couldn’t understand it. It was prevalent in everything he did. Wasted potential. I finally figured it out. His dad was a real hard ass and his demands for perfection kept my friend from doing anything.
His dad said in front of me while berating him: “Kyle makes good grades! Why can’t you be more like Kyle? It’s because you’re lazy! You’ve made A’s before. It’s not that hard to do again! Why don’t you apply yourself?” When I saw all99life chilling at number six on the rising stars list, I understood my friend’s position.
Looking back, my friend’s lack of application makes sense. When someone demands you meet a high standard it can be difficult to match and even harder to maintain. It’s intimidating. It is easier to put on the front that you are incapable than to be put on trial every day, or every report card period. Being a failure requires no work. It risks no letdown. No one expects anything.
I also face the challenges of expectations with my fiction work. My novel Hang-Ups and Hangovers has been well received. I am pleased with my reviews and the feedback I have gotten so far (and am bracing myself for the first painful, negative review whenever it may come). But now I have to put out a second book. It has to be just as good as the first. Or better. I have expectations to meet! Wouldn’t it be so much easier to surprise everyone with a good second book if my first book sucked?
Being on a list of recommended sites means people will “expect” quality content. If I play incompetent and if I were never held to any esteem then I could always surprise, wow, and over deliver. There is an advantage in that. But I’m no longer hidden in the obscure and vast galaxy of the internet. I have readers. I have followers. I have subscribers. And now I’m on a list with other smart, talented bloggers and there are expectations.
The fear that pairs with success is the fear of expectations.
No One Is Qualified
One of my friends trained executives for a living. He was basically a professional coach. He told me the number one fear he received from the CEOs of the biggest companies he worked with was: “Who am I to run this company?” He told me something that I’ve reflected on recently. He always tells those CEO’s: “No one is qualified.”
Every company is different. Unique. Even a CEO of one Fortune 500 will take on new challenges he hasn’t faced if he moves to another Fortune 500 company. He isn’t yet qualified for those unique challenges. And every day a new challenge will come that he hasn’t experienced and is not “qualified” to face.
Everyone of us, anyone trying to be successful anyway, is going to be called upon to try something new. It may not be new to the world, but it will be new to us. Growth requires that we venture into unexplored territory.
Taking chances. Dreaming big. Executing in the dark. Pushing ahead without a clear map. These are the behaviors that breed success.
I’ve said it again and again, I’m making it up as I go. I have no special qualification to do what I’m doing. In my mind, I’m still just honing my basic writing skills. I mean, I just rebranded and split myself in two a week ago!
I have nerves about sharing a list with some of those names. I admit it because I did not create all99life to put on airs and spit sickeningly cliched platitudes about success from my ivory tower. I am not special. I am human. Anyone can do what I’m doing. That is the reality. That is what I want to impart to anyone reading.
I am not sure of anything. I’m not sure if anyone will even like or read this post. I’m just seeing the fear, acknowledging it, and pushing forward regardless. Anyone can do that. That’s what everyone has to do.
If you liked this post feel free to share and subscribe to future posts. Interested in my fiction work? More info at realkylemilligan.com You can Buy my novel Hang-Ups and Hangovers here.
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